Where is our voice? Is this the kind of peace work we are fine with? - by Julene Fast

Julene Fast, a member of the MAST steering committee, shared these thoughts with Mennonite Church Canada leaders during a recent meeting. She explains how she came to be involved in the MAST steering committee as a way to support those who experienced abuse by MCC. She shares about how she was personally devastated by learning about MCC’s cruel actions, expresses her worry about the heavy load that abuse survivors are bearing, and pleads with all MCC supporters, “Where is our voice? Is this the kind of peace work we are fine with?”

“How many unkind actions does it take to make the entire organization a sham? I don’t know the answer to that question, but I have surely struggled with it. Is not just one such cruel, unkind and dangerous act from the leadership of MCC cause to seriously wonder if any good can come out of the whole? Is it not worth speaking out about?”

I grew up in a small town in Manitoba – one where the church in town was comprised of most of the residents in the town. I am a member of a large family. Some of my older siblings were among the first from our (Evangelical Mennonite) church to enter the world of university and to travel to other places in the world.

In my early teens, my eldest sister went to Egypt with MCC for a 3-year term. This was a significant event in my life. She came back with a different, noticeably expanded worldview. It shaped me and gave me a new kind of awareness/consciousness. My sister related her experience as a reciprocal sort of service. This seemed wholesome to my young self. I appreciated the emphasis on entering other worlds and learning.

MCC was often spoken of with a negative tone by my peers, who saw it as being just a “social gospel.” But I found MCC’s persona to be something I wanted to align myself more with. I was ready to begin this shift.

In my mid-twenties, I married and moved to southern Ontario. Soon thereafter I did a 2-year Voluntary Service term at the MCC Ontario office in Kitchener. I met and worked with incredible people and heard of so many amazing experiences from those serving with MCC in Canada and around the world. I appreciated all the connections and wise words. I am so grateful for this experience. I believed strongly in MCC’s mission.

I became part of a church in southern Ontario that – unlike mine back home – had MCC as their main mission organization. MCC was part of the life blood of this church. In more recent years I have appreciated MCC’s focus on work with issues that face Indigenous peoples. My husband and I have been glad to help financially as well as in solidarity with some of those projects.

Anicka Fast is my niece. She and her husband John have been passionate about working with MCC. They were so glad to be able to take on the job in Burkina Faso with MCC.  This was their second term with MCC.

In late August 2023 – the day I heard they were fired – the world crashed in for me.

As the details started to be shared with me, I experienced disbelief, incredulity, and horror.  Something very precious inside me was being split open and gutted – like an offense to my soul. It was difficult to process the details as they started to come. Each one wrapped another cord of tightness around my chest, leaving less breathing space. It was like a foul-tasting bile coming out of my throat.

The betrayal they experienced from the MCC staff they met with on that fateful day was breathtaking. They went to this meeting still trusting in MCC, believing in good faith that they would be talking about their troubles, making plans for where to go from this hard place, addressing the debilitating illness of PTSD with compassionate employers and figuring out how the rest of their term would look. 

Learning about the details of how that meeting actually turned out was like being hit with a baseball bat to my head.

MCC personnel showed up and said nothing except, ‘We are terminating you immediately – we don’t seem to be walking the same pathway.’ And then they proceeded to cut off all communication, all access, their money. To hear that this had been done by people I respected and believed were decent human beings – well, it was really beyond being able to comprehend.

What do you do with that kind of betrayal?

Where do you go with that kind of anger?

Where do you go with that kind of sorrow?

Where do you go with that kind of debilitating event?

Where do you go with that?

Where do I go with that?

I was and continue to be gobsmacked.

As the truth started to sink in, I began to feel very concerned.

I was afraid for Anicka and John, knowing how this would take over their entire life:

• how this would become their every waking moment nightmare and constant thought and anguish;

• how there didn’t seem to be any recourse;

• how they would be regularly, maybe even daily, slammed with yet another facet or component of this disastrous action taken by MCC towards them.

A blow such as this does that. That is how this kind of action plays itself out.

I knew this, because the actions of those responsible for firing Anicka and John invoked in me a physical reaction, taking me right back to when I and my husband Rick were hit with a tsunami. Years ago, his brother began bullying and threatening him in a long spiral, down a road that led to Rick seeing no other way but to be bought out of his life’s work by this brother who had left all brother-like actions far behind. This news of Anicka and John’s firing had me squarely dealing with all those feelings again. All the anger, rage, disbelief, exhaustion, fear – all of it. 

This act towards John and Anicka was not from someone whose only desire was to get hold of the lucrative business all for himself – which at least makes sense for that kind of a money/prestige-driven mindset.

No – it was an organization I held in high esteem, an organization I valued for its high standards and values throughout the world, that was now engaged in similar behaviour.  It was an organization that stands for so much that I have supported and been proud to be part of.

It was too much.

It has not been easy to see and feel Anicka and John’s raw grief, the agonizing gut-wrenching pain of this huge betrayal, and to know that they are carrying it with them all the time. 

Anicka and John have immense strength. While very much affected by this situation in their life, living with PTSD and the trauma and aftermath of the cruel firing process, they have pursued seeking justice. A support group was established. There has been much hard work to figure out ways in which their voice could start to be heard and how to hold MCC accountable for this cruel behaviour.

Always on my mind has been my concern of the toll it was and is taking on them to do this work that comes out of their very strong selves and commitment to this new big big task, while still experiencing physical and emotional trauma.

It became important to in some way work with them – to be any support I possibly could be – to continue to help them believe that they were not crazy – even though the regular and steady response from any part of MCC was negative – blaming, not listening, showing no remorse, not caring, twisting the facts, and even eventually,  after the conciliation meeting, becoming mean-spirited in their attacks. MCC has even used language suggesting they see themselves as the victims in this situation. 

And then the stories came rolling in of others in similar situations as Anicka and John.  They found encouragement in knowing they were not the only ones and in sharing their stories and giving that gift of listening to others. But that’s a lot of pain to have to hear and hold. 

It is hard not to become militant, but the language coming from John and Anicka continued and continues to be gracious and hopeful – open to the possibility of healing. I know that they are often weary and discouraged. They hold all these stories of people who have had such bad endings with MCC. It is too much for them to have to carry. 

MAST’s efforts – even before they were known as MAST – have been an encouragement to many of these people who have shared their stories of pain. But this cannot be the job only of MAST members. For those of us who rely on MCC to do humanitarian and peace work around the world: where is our voice? Is this the kind of peace work we are fine with? Do the ones who signed up gladly and wholeheartedly to serve with MCC, and whose lives have now been shattered by the very people and offices they trusted, and who because of that have experienced such a devastating setback in so many ways – do they have to be the ones shouldering this load? 

While not having the physical experience of PTSD coursing through my body in response to this travesty, I felt a portion of Anicka and John’s pain as I began to tell others about this catastrophic event and this devastating breach of trust by MCC. I saw people shut down or hesitate to take a clear stand. I quickly came to realize the power of the MCC loyalty. It is a mighty force that cannot easily be infiltrated

I am astonished – what on earth is the motivation behind the silence from MCC? And the silence from all of us that care so deeply for MCC? What on earth is being gained by this silence?

How many unkind actions does it take to make the entire organization a sham? I don’t know the answer to that question, but I have surely struggled with it. Is not just one such cruel, unkind and dangerous act from the leadership of MCC cause to seriously wonder if any good can come out of the whole? Is it not worth speaking out about? Is it not imperative that we call out those who acted cruelly and without integrity, insisting they bend their knee in HONEST humility and come with remorse and deep apologies to those they have hurt? Is it not imperative if we want to speak peace and justice throughout the world that we insist the leaders of MCC speak personally to those they have so deeply hurt, acknowledging their wrongdoing and pleading for forgiveness? Revising policies, restructuring and giving public lip service to apologies are like bile in the throat to those who have been so deeply hurt and scarred.  

Looking for a next step to take in response? Check out our list of ways to get involved (speak out publicly - sign the petition or write a letter - ask for an external investigation - support survivors - coordinate your efforts with others - educate yourself and your congregation about institutional abuse dynamics).